This Is What I Brought You, This You Can Keep... This Is What I Brought, You May Forget Me! I Promise To Depart, Just Promise One Thing. Kiss My....

02/25/2010---
It has been QUITE SOME TIME since I did this, so I figured I had better catch you all up! I greatly enjoyed spending time with my beautiful lil' nieces and tough lil' nephews over Halloween. I was SO EMPOWERED because... although it most probably scared the everliving fuschnickens out of her, my Mother Divine said NOTHING when I picked them up and played with their gorgeous little selves. Nor did any of my family members. It feels indescribably good to be reaching the point in my recovery where people actually TRUST me... and it is rightfully warrented! That's right Ladies and Gentlemen, Eric "Eug" Evans is growing closer to the apex of his rocky road from the point he was exiled to 12 long and painful years ago, which leads him closer to THE TYPE (I NEVER want to be the same.) of man he was before. Okay, I'm gonna' attempt to steer away from all of this "present tense" talking kind of stuff. It kind of creeps even MYSELF out!
I also went home for Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays as well. It has been quite some time since I have enjoyed anything as much as watching those 4 little girls and 3 small men open up presents which, by some clandestined reason TO THEM; they had been given by thier loved ones for no apparent reason. It was just adorable! Spatnta (2nd 't'... silent!)gifted me with, as always... more than I had deserved. After all; I don't even remember the last time I was nice! THEN AGAIN; NOR DO I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS NAUGHTY! I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF AAANNNYYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGG!!! I recieved a karaeoke machine, much cothing to cover my vast and spacious... "Tracts a' land!"- God be with Sir Monty Python! Tiger Woods Golf 2010 for the Wii, Wii Resort, a gold pocket watch, as an added addition to the "Dew rags", at the peak of which; one might say... please, if you actually know me OR my Parental Units AT ALL... make sure that you are seated! My Dad and my Mother purchased me a Bob Marley sweatshirt in the islands. THEMSELVES! Well spank me twice and call me Sally! Jahmmin' mahn. The Autobiography of Sir Gordon Matthew Sumner, entitled "Broken Music". I also ascertained the book "A Salty Piece Of Real-Estate" by Jimmy the Buffett. I recently learned the middle name of yet another musician... Mark 'Freuder' Knopfler, the lead singer of The Dire Straights. Much candy was ingested as well. And, confectionary delight galore to further crop my... "Tracts a' land!". I got a belt, some dress shoes, some slippers, and last... but certainly not least, I got fine smattering/array of different types of boxers, a.k.a. undershorts, a.k.a. skivvies, a.k.a. drawers, thongs, and edible underwear. Okay... I did not recieve the last two, but a man can dream. And; I have a dream. That all underwear has been created equal. Except for the fact that Fruit Of The Loom is the best... but I do digress!
I also had a miiiinor setback of sorts. circa 2.5 to 3 months ago, I just so happenned to break THE LATEST (and perhaps the most detrimental 2) bones in a looong procession of snapped protiene, marrow, cartilage, and the other flimsy junk that make up this "Rusty Cage", that I live within. But; "I'm gonna' break. I'm gonna break my. Gonna' break my rusty cage and RUN!" Respect Mr. Cash. Respect! Oh yeah; and, R.I.P.
And last, but not least; I got an excersize bike via a Government Grant last week. It is called the "Diamondback" recumbant bike. It's pretty rad, due to the fact that it also, along with excersize; has features designed to wash your car, bake a souffle, press a Tuxedo, give a sensual massage, fold origami swans, perform high-grade CPR, and last of all... tell your Gremlin a goodnight story. (But only if his name is or was - before he legally changed it - "Stripe"... or; I suppose "Phillup" will work as well!)
Here is enough crazy to get you by for a couple more months if necissary! I will close this by saying the same thing, honestly, that I always do. I'll try to leave an entry more often. (Isn't that somewhat of a paradox in terms? = "leave an entry?" Please Quinn L., correct me if I am wrong.) (Really guys... it DOES happen, from time to time!)
Best of luck until next time,
May your Shelley be Long and your "ning" be "shorten",
Nostradomas E. E. Evans
("I just love the fightin' Irish!")

When Darkness Turns To Light, It Ends Tonight, It Ends Tonight, Just A Little. Just A Little Bit!.

Well, hello one and hello all... again!
I am not dead.
Yet!
Much to Joe R.'s dismay!
SSSOOO sorry for the massive intermitant pauses and gaps in my blog entries. I simply get caught up so easily and quickly on facebook. I ADORE that program/ system!
Anywhoo............!
I am starting to get surrounded by a whole other froup of friends here in Cedar. James, Joe M., John, Joe R., Janna, Alyssa, Angel, Logan, and Charlie The Magnificent... juat to name a few!I am really starting to enjoy my life more and more virtually every day. With the exception of one thing. Janna gives me a whole royal butt-load of crap. More than one humble man deserves. One humble... intelligent... suave... sexy... debonair... jaw-droppingly smart; and... tough... Mind-wrenchingly funny... now, did I mention humble? Notice that memory is not anywhere on the list!
I'm leaving manana for Jackson with mi familia mucha buena. I am so frickin' stoked. I will be back on this coming Monday evening. Good luck in all for all of you. I would like to thank those who are my friends. May you be blessed enough to have as much fun as I will have! Thanks again.
Nothin' but love for you all!
Eric "Limping Pony" Evans

Hello, Is There Anybody In There? Just Nod If You Can Hear Me, Is There Anyone Home?

Life really squeezes the wrong freakin' lemons for me at times. I was having the day from Hell on Friday until James showed up. We all went tp the store, then we prepared for a get-together. About 5-10 other people showed and we played a wild and crazy game of Texas Hold 'Em Poker. Everybody put 5 bones in a pot and it was winner take all. I tied with James' wifey for first place and we split the money in two. I love that frickin' game! Today I went to James' home to cook his boys, his wife, his sister-in-law, and himself some S&S pork for dinner. It tasted fantastic! Afterward... we just kicked it, played with the boys, and simply chatted while we took it easy! Much fun was had by all!
Amen.
Eric Mohatmah Evans
Please don't forget to tip your waitress.

Because I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All.

What a horrible freakin' day THIS has turned out to be! This morning things were going just fine, then it all hit the fan in the early afternoon. All I'll say is that it initially took place in a SUU restroom. It then moved on to a cute little Mom and Pop Chinese Resteraunt which; to circumnavigate all legal ramifications... was called "China'City'(It's actually a word that rhymes with brown.)"(It starts with a T.)(Okay; it's "China Town"!)It's for reasons like the "woman" in charge there that the oriental races have a bad name. Dang was she beasty?. Yes, yes she was. She was short enough to barely have the top of her Oriental noggin reach my adam's apple... but she MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT in spite, hatred, PMS, and good old fashioned predgudice. Just because I'm not 3.5 feet tall, cold as ice, stuck up with a vendetta that lie in being married to a 95 pound guy that looks as if he is heavily on Crack, and just plain bitchy... doesn't give her the right to treat me like crap. She threatened to call the cops on me before I said even 1 word about not paying for the meal. I didn't want to, but I also did not want to stoop to the level of that little rice bender. Please, don't get me wrong. I am not a racist... AT ALL. Simply a realist. In my life, I've had the oppurtunity to have some black friends, brown friends, tan friends, white friends, and even some yellowish friends, but do you know what I consider them to be to me? ... ... ... EQUALS! Not one of us is, ever has been, or will be in the future better than me. Nor worse. We all have our strengths, we all have our weaknessess, that is how it's supposed to be. I would give my life for any of my good friends. Regardless of age, sex, intelligence, social status, wealth, etc., etc., etc. You see, as much as I hate to admit this; I personally know what it feels like to be discriminated against. I hope truly that aside from the uber-eccentricity and dark sence of humor it can't really be told about my afflictions. I was plowed by a truck, on the interstate. When you are disabled, people look at you like an Aamish guy gets looked at in Muslim land. You are not human anymore. Doctors use you as a test subject / pin cushion / hypothesis' breeding and testing ground, most women treat you like you cannot speak the language if you are smattered with scars and walk with a limp, prospective employers would place more value in an overgrown hampster with a slight memory deficit than with you -*Oh, excuse me... I got's to cough... acthacthascthMaverickCo.Storesacthacthacth*-(Adventure's first dip into the proud lands of embezzeling from the handicapped.), and the only people whom you can always trust are your family and a handful of buddies! Okay, I truly do apoligise for this, it's the first collective time that I've voiced my opinions on this topic in 11.25 years, and once you get that train a' rollin'!?! Have a good night. Please send my facebook, email, or my blog a message about your opinion on this stuff?
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Eric "The Wind Between Joe's Legs" Evans

Damn the closed doors.

Did you read the last two posts?

No, I'm never gonna dance again. Paralyzed feet have got no rhythem.

Monday August 17th =

Wake up late, get das weekly stipend hausen! Mine stipend!, Hit the SUU library to work on the face-book and the blogspot / email, call NiCold and proceed to get the shaft... FOR THE SECOND TIME EVER!, grocery shop, eat at Costa Vida (pay your weekly just due homage to the sanctified Smothered Pork Burrito!), clean room, Have other James introduce me to his beautiful wife Jana and 2 tough chiddren (“That James... He’s got ‘BOYS’ of steel!” (Spoken in a heavy British accent.)) = Anyone place where the rough- artfully and thematically enriched - quote is from?, call Nicold to ask her to allow me to buy her some Maggie Moo’s / be a Gentleman and a friend / get to know her better AT ALL / welcome her to the area / dispel whatever rumors that ‘Chode-Sniffany’ has been so lovingly spreading to her / JUST BE A FRIEND! / -I was unaware that was a crime punishable by emotional battery!-, have James help to fill the painful reminiscent chasm of a hole left in your chest by taking you to Maggie Moo’s so you can buy the best iced cream / Jones’ Sodas that I have ever had!, go directly with James to purchase 24 Jones’ sodas at Lynn’s Market(Which elevates my repertoire of tasted Jones’ flavors to 3... in 1 day! Cream Soda, Apple, and Blackberry... I have only 1 regret... That this is the first time I’ve even payed value and consequence to the notice of these bad-boys!), deliver sodas to Jana and das chiddren wit James, Sucka... spend about an hour there with the 5 of us just talking / laughing / getting to know one another / gulping down sodas, set a date for this coming Saturday to have me cook the cuisine and present it to ‘The whole fanDamnily’ (BY MY OWN REQUEST AND SUBMISSION... THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH D.S.P.D.!), Have Joseph - Joseph - Bo - Boseph - Fee - Fi - Fo - Foseph -... JOSEPH! Help me affix a new Glade Vanilla air freshener to my bedroom wall (Okay... YES dangitt... I did this to temporarily occupy my mind whilst I am engulfed in Nocturnal slumbers. You see, I’ve always dreamt of being ‘Vanilla Pies’) THIS current generation’s “Cheese-fest” - “Pasty White” - “Pseudo- Talented” - “Rapper and/or Lip-Synch” (People Please, just call me Eric Van Winkle... or perhaps Pearl-Squared... POWDERED PEARL!? ‘But please... DON’T call me Surely!’), Clear the waters between Sir Joseph and I about his betrothed companion... Rest assured, people; closure was gained!, receive knowledge that Joe acquiesced a set of golf clubs (He has never in his life been golfing yet, which WILL change soon! He is my Special Olympics Golf Partner. Lucky bastard!), stew about this whole Nicold thing and come to the conclusion that, if she denies me the privilege of treating her like a princess... She is questionably the one who is out more?, there are far more; FAR LESS F.U.B.A.R.E.D. women out there! (Besides, if Tyler was SO confident on the fact that I would despise her that he had to lie to me about her looks (along with virtually EVERYBODY ELSE in the office),,, I reiterate), LIE TO HIS FRIEND... I think that I very well might just let his bet for $100.00 blow off into the wind and simply ignore NiCold completely. I am seriously VERY hurt by himself and the way he dealt with this load of this crap., Now THAT is friendship!, LaDrillBitia gets back with her supposed ’fiancé‘; ‘Weather Vane’... VIRTUALLY FROM THE ARMS OF ME... HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND= WHOM SHE HAD QUITE LITERALLY PROPOSED TO NOT 2 HOURS EARLIER... she tries to pilfer the gift which you had brought over to her house to; ‘your girlfriend’ as soon as you tell her that, since she’s back with Weather Vane... Our lengthy romance has reached it’s end, Damn, I pray that you can all detect the filthy smudge of sadistic humor and use of painful sarcasm there!, kids... can you say; ‘embittered’?, ‘Cause Eric sure as Schniffens can!, Talk for a long time with Joe, pay homage to one of the Gods of weakness in your life... electronic devices, type in your journal, reflect and ponder upon your recovery.
On that note, this kind of thing, almost verbatim; occurred circa 8 years ago up North with somebody else. She shafted me and my brain became F.U.B.A.R.E.D. beyond belief. It caused a great deal of daznamage to occur, but My Pristine 19 years of existence on this realm was tight AS EVER and was able to weather me through ALL OF THE MANY countless storms to come! Jail, Hell... a.k.a. State Hospital, apartment fire, etc., etc., etc.! Did I even talk about torching ANYTHING whilst in the midst of this particular tragic scheme of events? That’s what I thought, so please remember that.
?Fall asleep thrice in your uber-relaxing/ rest-inducing leather computer chair while working on this journal entry.
Tues. August 18th =
James comes over to install Warcraft3 to your computer. And here was much rejoicing because of the fun which shall ensue. And Robin ate his minstrels! And there was much rejoicing. Yeah! Call your beloved Mother.
Saturday August 22nd =

Lunch with James Davidson, Jana Davidson, and ‘Los 2 Not So Lonely Boys’! Dig DEEP into my lines of heritage and cook them Chinese food. I Don’t know, perhaps this time I will do the dishes as well. Now THAT will be a virgin experience! (On a couple of different levels.)
Wednesday Sept. 2nd =
Journey up to Northern UT to spend the night at the parental units’ home. Attempt to get in touch with THE one and only Quinnstah P. Lavender to ideally coerce him into paying you a prompt visit afore your departure with the fan-damn-ly on the morrow!
Thursday Sept. 3rd =
Leave for Jackson’s Hole to celebrate all of those Americans who actually DO have jobs for the weekend with ‘da fam. I’m flat out positive that much fun will be had by ALL who involved. I simply pray that lil’ Avery doesn’t get too tipsy over the holiday, I mean... DANG little woman! You drink more every day than your own mass body weight! (it’s a good thing that you are not driving and that it IS BREAST MILK you are drinking. Seriously, some of the time it is so very difficult for me to remember the fact that you are only 1 year old! That makes it kind of hard for your feet to reach the pedals, doesn’t it? (Don’t worry my Dear... I relate! I am 30 yrs. Old and 6' 3"; yet it is still quite a challenge for my own feet to reach the pedals! We shall suffer together. The unity shall ease the pain!))
Monday Sept. 7th =
Head home to Cedar City from my weekend of fun and frivolity in WY. You know what they say... back to the old limp and grind!

Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

Well, I am as excited, confused... exhillerated, perplexed... anticipatory yet dumbfounded that I've ever been! I know FOR A FACT that when one door closes, another one opens! I broke it off with Latitia today, and I am quite glad that it happened. Itr was bound to anyway! I suppose that it is better now than later. After all, I never really loved her, just felt bad for her. I think that we all know those kinds of things never work. 1 person in the relationship is never fully happy, and I think that it would have been me. Scratch that, I'm sure of it!
But, like I said; another door, detected or not, ALWAYS opens! I'm pretty sure as schniffens that one opened up for me today. A frickin' huge one! Like an orange on a toothpick! Huge. Like Sputnick. It's got it's own weather system! - A moment of silence for the mad acting skills of Mike Myers, even though he is still alive!
... ... ... Okay, collect yourself danggit! It's time to move on!
Today I got word that a woman who is beautiful, and with the same personality as mine; is moving to my area tomorrow, tomorrow, there's always ... tommorow. It's only a day away! coda:(but I'll meet her in 3, and that's okay!) I should publish this into a song or something, I could make millions to pay off the copyright infringement! Wait?!?
Anyways, I know her name... BUT... I also heavily believe in the concept of personal damnation, so I'll just wait to see how the cookie crumbles. And ANYBODY who knows me at all is well aware of how patient I am. Damn, I'm screwed!